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faetal's Journal

Life in spiral
23 December 1980
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I am a Mother.
I'm on a never ending journey toward perfectionism, ignoring the fact that I know there's no such thing, or that I'm in a constant state of being the perfect self I can be at this very moment.
Perfect just sounds lovely though. The perfect mother, the perfect woman, the perfect wife, or daughter or mentor or artist. The perfect self.

This is, of course, just a way to constantly berate myself for not living up to standards. If you know me, though, you will know that if I had nothing to complain about I would not be ME.

Yes, I'm THAT person.

I sabotage my own happiness to keep me in a constant cynical sarcastic state, because I like it.
Someday I'll explore myself and maybe see that I can be cynical and dark and happy at the same time? or maybe happy will seem less stupid and I'll go for it full force.

Stay tuned, I guess we'll see how the story ends together.